


This is Everything I Didn't Say

by iammisscullen



Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, Another Zayn saying goodbye cos I fucking hate myself, Headcanon, M/M, zarry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3722341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iammisscullen/pseuds/iammisscullen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's letter to Zayn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is Everything I Didn't Say

**Author's Note:**

> This sprouted when I was humming along to 5SOS' [This is Everything I Didn't Say](http://m.itemvn.com/song/?s=D650DCE294), thus the title.  
> Self-indulgent. And I bloody hate myself, I think.  
> I miss Zayn. I want him back.  
> So if you're Zayn -- creeping and reading this -- don't read but do know that I WANT YOU BACK IN ONE DIRECTION.
> 
> P.S.  
> Not my best work, but so what? I just needed to write.  
> Be kind to me.

 

//

i miss you at 2am

when i’m alone with my thoughts.

but i wonder why

i still miss you at 2pm,

when i’m with friends,

listening to their silly jokes.

**-iammisscullen**

//

 

Hi, Zed!

I don’t know how to begin this, to be honest. All I know is how it’ll end. And just thinking about it… I feel like I can’t breathe, like I don’t want to continue because it’s not the ending that I want. But, time to face the music, eh?

If you want to know, I’ve been doing okay. I can’t define the _okay_ that I’m in at the moment, but you don’t have to worry about me. This isn’t for that purpose; this is supposed to be something more.

Remember that late night talk we had when we were in Australia? It’s been so long since we’ve had those kind of conversations. I missed it. I just couldn’t tell you because I was scared that you didn’t feel the same way. You had Louis for chats like that and I have Niall or Liam. But ours was _always_ different. And I missed it.

That night, after our first show you asked me the things and people that I miss when I’m away from home. We had these talks before, back when we were young and naïve and just starting over this rollercoaster – that is our career. But at that time, you asked me something different; you were confuse as to why I spend so much time away from home when during tours all I ever wanted is to be back home, in London.

‘I guess, I just change my mind in the last minute,’ I told you.

You shrugged elegantly. ‘Or you can’t just find a place that makes you want to stay.’

‘Maybe,’ I said, offended in some ways, but I was really thinking deeply of what you commented. Maybe, I really am not capable of finding a home. The right one, that is.

‘Next time, miss me more, so that you’ll have more reasons to stay in London,’ you joked and winked at me.

I was taken aback. I haven’t even thought of missing you. Why would I, when I know that I’ll get to see you when the tour starts, I’ll get to hangout with you when we hit the road again, I’ll have reasons to send you cheeky text messages or Snapchats because we’re in the same band. We’re on the same boat together, and I believed that would remain the same for a long time.

And then that night in Hongkong happened. When you said you’re leaving, I wanted you to stay. I asked you why you had to go and you said, ‘I need home.’

I wanted to tell you so badly, the lesson that I have learned since that first night of the tour in Australia: that sometimes, home is not four walls – but two pair of eyes and a beating heart. And I could be that, I wanted to be that.

If I said that, would you have stayed? Because right now, you’ve given me enough reasons to miss you.

I miss you when Niall talks about the DJ-ing he did and I know, you could relate to this better than I am. I miss you when Liam ordered chicken curry when we went to the Philippines because you love that dish. I miss you whenever I see Louis’ _Bus 1_ tattoo.I also miss you when I’m trying to write songs and I wonder if the lyrics and melody is enough to convince you how I feel.

I wish, I had have answered these when you asked me before, so that you’ll know. Because now, all I can do is pretend that these would have made you stay.

 

All the love as always,

H

 

_Fin._

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sad and fucked up person.


End file.
